Better than ever
You’re on a race track. The vehicle is your body. You’re going fast to either avoid, or chase. Sometimes the ride is smooth. At times, transcendence takes hold of your spirit. Sometimes the spirit is restless. The check engine light appears. More warning lights appear. You make a short pit stop. And, get back in the race. With one bag packed or a parachute within reach. Ready to eject. Because everything within you and around you is too much.
Parallel of this task oriented race is the treadmill your nervous system is also on. Going various speeds. Non-stop. At the mercy of no healthy boundaries. Or, healthy boundaries with an asterisk. You grind your teeth at night because your nervous system is still on the treadmill. You make social media content in your car because it’s the only still moment you can find. Ironic, the vehicle of your body is in a vehicle designed for zero stillness. A temporary refuge on wheels.
Boxes start to pile up in the garage. Junk is filling your drawers. Hiding the truth of what’s going on inside. Behind the illusion of “I’ve got it together. See.” Eventually your vehicle can’t fit in the garage. You’re ashamed for guests to open drawers. Suppression is piling up within you. Discomfort signals appear in the body. The blinking sign on your forehead says, “Too busy. Currently working on me. Not right now.”
Noise cancelling headphones cancel any opportunity to warmly greet a passer-by. Again, you’re always “too busy.” The podcast you are listening to is about “being present & living mindfully.” Ironic. Don’t ya think?
The effort is on the presented image of when you leave the house. The episode you are presenting to your awaiting crowd is, “Here’s what I know so far.” Desperation starts to be an undercurrent to your everyday existence. You adopt a puppy because you’ve been so busy solving math problems that the majority of your daily limited time is dedicated to your relationship with a digital screen.
Within a few months you have a best friend with four legs. Now you walk your phone, and your dog gets to come along. The same level of negligence you experienced as a child, you are now passing on to your four legged child.
Justifications & explanations take place over genuine root down conversations of forbidden hot topics. Now hot topics are only explored with therapists, Men’s circles, pastors, podcasts and with your cats. Any shared or heard unfiltered honesty outside of these lanes is seen as a warning signal to self protect. Eject.
The center point of unconscious decision is now, “yeah, but.” You are in the grip of some sort of powerlessness in effort to soothe the constant barrage of distractions. Because the mega corporate brilliance behind intentionally pulling you away from what truly matters is, if you distract you attract.
You wear a retainer at night to not shatter your teeth. You shop for love on apps. You have limited time for self care, but all the time for emergencies, over-scheduling & unnecessary pharmaceutical drugs.
Is this real life? This is it?
Recently I hugged the cactus within. A chain has been broken. I opened up about my area of powerlessness in 2024. I lost beloved members in the Pranava community. Gained new ones looking for safety on their journey of letting go of expired traditions. The sincerity of our inner current place doesn’t have to heavy a grave, or stay in the shadows.
May you pull the car off the racetrack. Turn off the ignition. Unpack all the boxes in your dusty garage. Self-inquire with what’s really going on under the hood. As you look at your reflection ask yourself, “what is my quiet full time other job?” Anxiety? Avoidance? Compulsive behavior? Compulsive thinking? Addiction?
Hug the cactus within. Avoidance is a short race to an unhealthy ending. As I write this, I’ve never been better.
We wish you the healthiest new year to you & your loved ones. We warmly await you at Pranava. May this inspire you to change lanes. Walking home with you all,
-LKG
